i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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