Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
