i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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