Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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