U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize