i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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