i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
