it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
