I'd wear matching sweaters with you
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
