you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
