I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
