I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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