I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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