i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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