dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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