TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
