so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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