its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
