Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize