everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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