Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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