My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
