does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
