Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
