No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
