I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
