She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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