dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
