If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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