You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm too high and old for this...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
