he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
