i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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