I'm lost and stupid without you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
