Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Pooping to opera.
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