you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
