At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
