At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
