He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
