she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
