i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
