Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
