Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
