Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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