Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
