Just fell off a train. Bad.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dear god my vagina.
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