Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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