Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
try to milk me bitch
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