so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize