dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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