i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
