no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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