i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
