i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize