I heard we made out
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
