I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
