I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Someone shit on the floor
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
