I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
