hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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