i permit you to call me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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