Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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