Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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