get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Enjoy the penises
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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