why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
