The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
