420 ftw
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
