@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
