So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
