my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You need Xanax blowdarts
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
