Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
