dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
