i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
